IMMERSED IN A FITNESS LIFESTYLE

Illuminating beauty in the form of strength.

Have you ever been completely captivated by something? So IMMERSED in something that you could never picture your life outside of those waters? Something so brilliant & valuable yet so simple in nature?

My introduction to the endless and ever developing world of Health & Fitness began 10 years ago. At first, it was rather terrifying, partially paralyzing but rather intriguing.

Could it be true? Was this the tangible tool that I would use as a weapon of war to fight against my Eating Disorder of 15 years? Would it really cure my deepest wounds, cancel out addiction and even heal my sick deteriorating body?

YES. I had finally found my antidote.

BEFORE I get into all the grimy details, let’s rewind back in time to the age of three. I had dreams that quickly began outgrowing my capacity to contain them. There was no question or inkling of doubt within my mind, no rhyme or reason that would hinder me from becoming a professional ballerina.

I began seriously studying Classical Russian Ballet at the age of eight years old under the teaching of world renowned, Master Rafael Grigorian. It was of the highest honor to have received training from the man who toured the world with the Bolshoi, Kirov and Moscow Ballet Companies. One of his many large scale accomplishments was being awarded: The People’s Artist of Azerbaijan and Laureate of State Prize of the USSR. I could write an entire book about how this man deeply formed and changed my life - for the good…but that’s a chapter of my story for another day.

IN ORDER to condense my rather long and intricately detailed story into a nutshell….Let’s fast forward a bit.

Due to my nature and deep desire to be the best at anything I put my hand to (sometimes allowing it to get the best of me)….I came up with an idea. In my adolescent daydreamy mind, I began forming a grand scheme that would raise me to the top. Knowing me, I set out to make that “idea” become reality in the form of an - Eating Disorder.

As my Eating Disorder developed rapidly, my technique….on the other hand…was becoming more precise and pronounced. I had landed main roles in the Russian Nutcracker, Baba Yaga and Spring Recitals along with a scholarship to dance at the Joffrey Ballet in NYC over the summer. I was on top of the world.

I WAS WINNING….or so I thought.

MY BEST KEPT SECRET.

ED. Short for Eating Disorder.

In my ignorant young mind, I didn’t care about the health consequences or risks that supervened Anorexia, Bulimia and Binge & Purge Disorders. I was young and too busy chasing the trophy of an “ideal body image”. Ed was mine and I was unfortunately and unknowingly his. He was my greatest secret. Hidden behind a closed bathroom door for 15 long years…this evil grew like prickers in a rose garden. I had attained the appearance of a ballerina….Ed had granted me the identity that I had always longed for.

Eventually it became a task to hide brittle bones that began protruding through my skin and obvious obscure eating patterns. The foundation of my life was built upon a lie and a secret that physically ate away at my flesh. I was sick. I was lost. I was held captive within the prison of my own mind.

MY SECRET REVEALED

In my mid teen years, my secret had been made known. In my mind, this meant I was a failure. I let my guard down but honestly, it was my saving grace.

One impatient and two outpatient eating disorder clinics later, I lied my way through a fake recovery. I had nationally recognized doctors, therapists, nutritionists and dietitians all at my fingertips….but when a person has no desire or will to change, they simply will not.

Heart failure was a reality and my soon to be future cause of death. I still didnt give a flyin’ hoot. I had finally settled. Settled for less. I sold myself short as I went to sleep each night wondering if I’d be there to wake with one more sunrise shining in my eye. Life was purposeless as I continued carrying my brittle bones through the motions, saturated in pure numbness. I had no more life to give nor a reason to live. I sat and waited patiently for my death certificate to be solemnly delivered to my doorstep.

But a glimmer of Hope remained.

I didn’t realize how valuable life truly was until I found myself standing on the edge, overlooking my own pit of destruction.

Catching a glimpse of the end of your days has the power to change your perspective on life as you know it.

“I once tasted the scent of death…but when I walked along the edge of my end, I discovered my beautiful beginning.”

-S.G.

TRUE

THE MAN that was placed in my life came with a light that shined brightly upon my darkest shadows. He gave me a reason and a desire to see tomorrow….and tomorrow’s tomorrow. But……I still had ED. Could I keep both, my eating disorder and this new love of my life? I tried….kicking and screaming at times…but this man never waivered. He was my steady in the storm….the calm inside my chaos.

One night after dinner, my Bulimic habits had kicked in full throttle (as usual). I looked him in the eyes and told him what I had to go do. He followed me into the bathroom and stood next to me as I hung my head over the toilet. He never spoke a word. He was just there. I saw his reflection staring back at me in the water and it was in that moment, I knew I had a choice to make. ED had to go.

One prayer later, one God who’s mighty to save, one man at the right place at the right time, one girl with one last glimmer of hope - it was the perfect recipe for true RECOVERY and ultimate FREEDOM.

I really did discover my new beginning but only after reaching the very edge of my end. Much was to be learned. Many daily battles were fought along the way. Body dysmorphia was at its highest level as I began the process of refeeding. Learning how to trust food again was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do…..but I knew there had to be a method to all the madness.

ONE THING in life that I’ve learned over the years…you can never outrun the sovereignty of God. His plan was much different than what I had in mind….but isn’t that how it always turns out?

If you’re still with me, here is where the going gets good. When God is involved, you will always be able to see the pattern of how He takes what is evil in the world and uses it for good. That is the epitome of my story…the story that He has given me in the storybook of what I call my life.

By pure grace and mercy, I met a man in the right place at the right time. Our paths had been divinely predestined to intersect for a purpose far greater than either one of us could fathom, at the time.

I could write another book about this love story of ours…but I will save that for another day as well.

The fact of the matter is this, at times, - God places people in our lives to miraculously move through in order to reach us. Does He need us in order to move? No, not at all….but knowing that He chooses to include us in his perfect plan to reach the downcast ones on this earth…is one of the most beautiful things I’ve personally ever witnessed.

RECOVERY

FREEDOM.

“Our mind holds the power to break us into a pile of brittle bones OR it has the power to break us into new beginnings.” -S.G.

I BEGAN envisioning who I could become. I started changing my view and thoughts about what “beautiful” truly meant. Constantly bringing to remembrance the simple words spoken by my parents,

“Summer Rose,
you can become anything you set your mind to”.

SO I DUG DEEP. I focused on my fight. I took one hour at a time. One meal at a time. One gym session at a time. One rep at a time. These vital baby steps continued to part the seas within my mind…bringing me to the notion that weightlifting and healthy nutrition would not make me “gasp” { fat }.

Overcoming all the different facets of an eating disorder has been my greatest trial in this life…..but it has also become my GREATEST victory. I remember celebrating one month of ED being dead. One month turned into six months…which turned into 1 year.

Now, ten years later - I’ve never been stronger, I’ve never been more free.

…But WHY would I stop there?

I thought it rather selfish to keep my story, my past, my experience & my lessons learned - under lock and key.

It was time.

Time to share. Time to inspire. Time to encourage.

Time to CHANGE AS MANY LIVES AS POSSIBLE.

My clients are not just people on a schedule. They become dear friends to me as I am allowed the privilage to walk beside them as they discover their own health and fitness journey. It is truly an honor to be a coach. Watching a human life change for the better is a blessing that is quite profound. It has always been my deep seated desire to win but now in a different lens and with a new heart….

I desire more than ever - to see others win!

I am now a NASM Certified Personal Trainer. My story and my past continually hovers before me and acts as a daily reminder…

as to WHY I do what I passionately love to do ~ each and every day.